Adoption Attorneys

With or without an identified birth mother, you may choose to proceed with the assistance of an adoption attorney. In many states, an attorney (sometimes known as an "intermediary") may advertise for birth parents either on behalf of a group of adoptive parents or a single adoptive parent/couple. The attorney may not restrict adoptive applicants based upon age, number of children already in the home, etc. Some adoptive parents choose to work with an attorney because their foremost concern is that the legalities of the adoption be resolved as early in the process as possible, or because they feel that working with an attorney individually allows them direct access and advice.

An adoption attorney may be working with a small group of potential adoptive families, thereby reducing the wait time to be matched with an adoptive situation (birth mother and child). In many states, an attorney may place a child directly in the home of the adoptive family immediately upon the signing of the surrender documents, provided that a licensed home study of the adoptive family has been completed. In these cases, the need for foster care is obviated. Attorneys typically charge their fees by the hour but may cap fees and/or costs so as to give an adoptive family an ability to budget their adoption expense. Some attorneys defer a portion of their legal fees until an adoption is finalized.

Adoption Agencies

Other adoptive families choose to work directly with an adoption agency. In those cases, the agency may charge a fixed fee for their adoption service which usually includes locating the birth mother. This fee may include the birth mother's medical expenses, if applicable, and may also include reasonable living expenses if required by the birth mother and permitted by law in the state where she resides. The agency may limit the number of applicants and may refuse potential applicants based upon age.

Many times, the agency policy is to limit the expense to an adoptive family and guarantee a placement of a child in their home. This can be more appealing to adoptive parents who have heard discouraging stories of failed adoptions and financial loss to the adoptive families. The agency may place adoptive parents on a "list" and be able to estimate the wait time for a placement based upon the number of potential families waiting, etc. Adoptive parents are not represented by the agency and generally must enlist the service of an attorney to handle the actual finalization of the adoption.

Once you determine who will help you, you should consider the type of adoption arrangement with which you are most comfortable. Keep in mind that adoption is an emotional process for all parties; therefore, there are many degrees of openness. Birth parents frequently elect to meet the prospective adoptive family prior to birth or placement of the child. This does not mean the birth mother will need to know the last name, address, or other identifying information of the adoptive parents—or vice versa. Keeping in mind human curiosity as well as the need to comfort a birth parent with the personal knowledge you will provide a stable, loving and secure environment for her child, you must determine how much contact is enough or too much.

While we still hear of closed adoptions with birth parents simply trusting the attorney or agency to find an appropriate home for the child, more frequently birth parents want to be involved in determining where and to whom the child goes. Making a plan and choosing a family may help them to overcome feelings of guilt or abandonment resulting from the relinquishment of the child. Pictures and or update letters sent through the attorney/agency in the future may also help with the grieving process.